shawna, im so sorry about everything. i still am.i wish we could communicate. i see you browsing and it kills me. tell me - why or what is it that you are curious about? are you happy? i, FOR oone dont think i am no matter what i tell myself.and ithink - or hope - that its because we need to talk. theres so much i could say but am afraid to. i feel like obimze in americanah. but i wont intrude on your life if thats not what you want. yet i don't want this to be the sad painful tragedy of my life either. i have not much else to say for now at least here. but iwould like to talk. so please - let me know. it makes me anxious to think that were thinking about each other, yet doing nothing about it.

i will be here. i miss you every day.

with all my love,